LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND
Many parents listen with one goal:
To respond.
To correct.
To defend.
To conclude.
But one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is to listen for a different reason:
*To understand.*
Sometimes a child is not asking for solutions. They are asking to be heard.
Not every conversation requires a lecture.
Not every emotion requires correction.
Not every complaint is disrespect.
Sometimes your child is simply saying: "Please understand what this feels like for me.
Many children stop talking not because they have nothing to say. But because they have learned that speaking does not lead to understanding.
It leads to interruption.
Judgment.
Assumptions.
Or immediate punishment.
Over time, they stop explaining and start withdrawing.
Listening to understand means asking questions like:
- "Help me understand what happened."
- "What were you feeling at the time?"
- "What made that difficult for you?"
- "What do you wish I understood better?"
These questions build connection. And connection builds trust.
Listening to understand does not mean agreeing with everything your child says.
It does not mean lowering standards or excusing poor choices.
It simply means:
"Your perspective matters enough for me to understand it before I respond to it."
The irony is that children are often more willing to receive correction from parents who first seek to understand them.
Because people open their ears more easily when they feel their hearts have been heard.
Dear parents,
Before you correct, understand.
Before you conclude, investigate.
Before you respond, listen.
Because sometimes the most powerful words a child can hear are not: "You are wrong." But:
"Help me understand."
Because children who feel understood are more likely to remain connected.
And in parenting, *connection is where influence lives.*
*Bisi Bukola Innocent*
Many parents listen with one goal:
To respond.
To correct.
To defend.
To conclude.
But one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is to listen for a different reason:
*To understand.*
Sometimes a child is not asking for solutions. They are asking to be heard.
Not every conversation requires a lecture.
Not every emotion requires correction.
Not every complaint is disrespect.
Sometimes your child is simply saying: "Please understand what this feels like for me.
Many children stop talking not because they have nothing to say. But because they have learned that speaking does not lead to understanding.
It leads to interruption.
Judgment.
Assumptions.
Or immediate punishment.
Over time, they stop explaining and start withdrawing.
Listening to understand means asking questions like:
- "Help me understand what happened."
- "What were you feeling at the time?"
- "What made that difficult for you?"
- "What do you wish I understood better?"
These questions build connection. And connection builds trust.
Listening to understand does not mean agreeing with everything your child says.
It does not mean lowering standards or excusing poor choices.
It simply means:
"Your perspective matters enough for me to understand it before I respond to it."
The irony is that children are often more willing to receive correction from parents who first seek to understand them.
Because people open their ears more easily when they feel their hearts have been heard.
Dear parents,
Before you correct, understand.
Before you conclude, investigate.
Before you respond, listen.
Because sometimes the most powerful words a child can hear are not: "You are wrong." But:
"Help me understand."
Because children who feel understood are more likely to remain connected.
And in parenting, *connection is where influence lives.*
*Bisi Bukola Innocent*
